guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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