I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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