I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
