You can't special order awesome
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
