i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
