none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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