Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't deserve a penis
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
