He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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