I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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