How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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