I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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