im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize