I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
