My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
