I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
