There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
