I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
