Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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