I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
