he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
