ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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