I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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