btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
