im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
