its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
