Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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