they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize