I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
