Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
