trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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