Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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