And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
