What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
