ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
