I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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