I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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