I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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