i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
