I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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