The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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