Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
