the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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