yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
