this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
