The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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