I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
