I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
tell me about the eggs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
