afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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