Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
