So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize