Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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