I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
