I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
