There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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