Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
