There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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