These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
